Self-Compassion

What is self-compassion?

Self-compassion means treating oneself with kindness, recognising that every human is imperfect and that everyone, including oneself, is valuable also when facing failure or suffering.

There are three components that define self-compassion:

• Self kindness rather than self judgement
• Feelings of common humanity that means recognise that suffering and failure is part of the shared human experience.
• Mindfulness

What self-compassion depends on?

Like self-esteem, self-compassion highly depends on the experiences we live in our life and on ones core beliefs.

Why is self-compassion important?

Researches suggest that self-compassion:

• is positively correlated with well-being and psychological health.
• being self-compassionate leads to a more realistic evaluation of oneself which it is not overrated to protect oneself and which it is not underrated because one is too self-critical.
• may offer a healthier way to be happy rather than focusing on having high self-esteem which has been shown may be conterproductive.

Why self-compassion should work?

Self-compassion helps to coping with emotions in a positive adaptive way that means that helps to react to emotions in a way that is useful for us and lead us to well-being.

When self-compassion is lacking then our protective mechanism intervenes to avoid reducing self-esteem and reducing self-awareness which is essential for improvement and change.

Researches also suggest that self-criticism, which is in contrast with self-compassion, leads to less motivation which is also important for improvement.

Can self-compassion be improved?

Yes, self-compassion can be increased by self-compassion exercises.

Can self-compassion be measured?

A common used scale is the Self-Compassion Scale.

Is possible to have too much self-compassion?

One typical drawback of self-compassion is that it may lead to not improving oneself.

However, as researches suggest, self-compassion does not mean avoiding to correct failing behaviours or accepting oneself without improvement. Instead, it involves correcting them with patience and kindness.

The difference is that a person who practices self-compassion does not criticise oneself, but tends to be kind to oneself and then takes action to improve.

How to improve self-compassion?

Self-compassion can be improved by practising mindfulness and by self-compassion exercises.

Some self-compassion exercises are the following suggested in the website of the researcher Dr. Kristin Neff that is a a pioneer in the field of self-compassion.

How would you treat a friend?

1. Think about a close friend that feels bad. How would you respond to your friend in this situation? Write it down.
2. Think about when you feel bad. How do you typically respond to you in this situation? Write it down.
3. Are there differences? Why?
4. How do you think things might change if you responded to yourself in the same way you typically respond to a close friend?

Self compassion break

1. Think of a situation that causes stress to you.
2. Say to yourself: This is a moment of suffering.
3. Say to yourself: Suffering is a part of life.
4. Say to yourself: May I be kind to myself.

Exploring self compassion through writing

1. Which imperfections make you feel inadequate? Write down the answer and the emotions that come up.
2. Write a letter to yourself from an imaginary friend that is loving, accepting and kind. What this friend would say to you about the inadequacy that you feel?
3. Read the letter and then put it down for a while. Then read it again, feeling the compassion contained in it.

Changing your critical self talk

1. Think when you are self critical. Write down the criticism that you say yo yourself.
2. When are you self-critical?
3. Try to react with compassion. Think how can you rewrite your self-talk using compassion.

Self compassion journal

1. Keep a daily journal. Write the difficult experiences, self-criticism that you lived during the day. Analyse these events using self-kindness and common humanity.

Identifying what we really want

1. Think about when you use self-criticism to motivate yourself.
2. Try to think kinder ways of motivating yourself to make the desired changes.

Self compassion in case of stressful event

1. Recognise and give a name to the emotion that you are experiencing.
2. Accept the emotion like something that it is normal and that everyone lives.
3. Place a hand on the belly, deeply breath and repeat phrases that are kind to our self.

My considerations about Self-compassion

• I think that:
  • self-compassion may contribute to sustain the self-improvement process reducing the self-criticism that may lead to slow or stop the self-growth process in particular when failures are faced.
  • self-compassion is useful when one faces failures or outcomes that are negative than expected, while growth mindset is useful to have the motivation to take a self-improvement process.
  • self-compassion and compassion towards others should be core values to develop in life to achieve well-being.

References

• Self-Compassion, Self-Esteem, and Well-Being | Kristin D. Neff | 2011
• Self-Compassion in Clinical Practice | Christopher K. Germer, Kristin D. Neff | 2013
• Kristin D. Neff website | Kristin D. Neff
• Self Compassion An Alternative Conceptualization of a Healthy Attitude Toward Oneself | Kristin D. Neff | 2010