Paolo's learning notes

How to give feedback in communication

There are at least two types of feedback in communication:

  • feedback to show we have understood or less a message
  • feedback to one’s behaviour

Both are important aspects in communication because they allow to:

  • reduce misunderstandings.
  • change negative behaviours reducing conflicts.

Give feedback to show we have understood a message

To reduce misunderstanding, some useful strategies are:

  • ask questions
  • repeat in our own words the message we have received to have confirmation from the sender that we have really understood the message

Give feedback about one’s behaviour

Sometimes it is not simple giving feedback because we may hurt the other person. This would lead to discussion.

How communication works

To learn how to communicate well, it is necessary to understand how communication works.

To understand how communication works, it is useful to represent it through a model. Several theorists have proposed different models of communication that are simplified representation of the communication. Here I report a resume of the main concepts behind these models.

The main components of a communication are:

Component Description
Information what the sender wants to convey to the receiver.
Sender who transmit the information.
Message the whole of symbols (words, numbers,…) and signals (verbal, non-verbal, para-verbal) the information has been encoded into.
Channel the physical medium the message is transmitted on.
Receiver who receive the message.
Feedback what the receiver give back to the sender to show that it has understood or not the message.
Noise what influence and may interfere with the communication

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How we evaluate people

In the book Creiamo cultura insieme is reported a process that we use to evaluate other people’s behaviours. The various phases of the process are:

  • We select some pieces of the reality we live
  • We give a meaning to these pieces
  • We evaluate the behaviour comparing it with an expected behaviour
  • We interpret the behaviour
  • We judge the behaviour

Therefore we evaluate people based on our filters (our own selection of the information received, expected behaviour, our own interpretation). This may lead to hurried conclusions and to wrong evaluations.

How to change others opinion

Sometimes in communication we have to try to convince people that our idea is more effective than others. This is often difficult because:

  • some people associate to be wrong at to be incompetent and competence is one of the basic psycholgical needs.
  • other people have values different from us. Therefore they really think that they idea is better simply because they are evaluating the idea basing on different values.
  • some people do not consider all the aspects of a problem. Therefore they have a limited point of view and basing on their point of view, the idea they propose is maybe better than the others.

In various articles are reported the following suggestions to change others opinion:

The downsides of active listening and how to mitigate them

In various articles are reported that active listening have downsides. In particolar the following downsides are reported:

Downside How to mitigate it
When there is conflict between sender and receiver, active listening does not work Dialogue instead of discuss
Sometimes it is not the right time to interrupt the other person to paraphrasing, providing feedback and asking questions Understand when it is the right time to interrupt basing on the context and the needs of the other person.
Focusing too much on performing active listening, neglecting what other person is saying Obviously focusing on what the other person is saying and not on ourselves

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What is active listening

Active listening is a technique that consists in:

  • listening what the other person is saying
  • observing the verbal, non-verbal and para-verbal communication
  • providing feedback asking questions and paraphrasing what the speaker is saying to know if what we have understood is what the other person was trying to deliver.

The purpose of active listening is to reduce misunderstanding. The difference with passive listening is that with passive listening the focus is on ourselves and it is listening to respond, while with active listening the focus is on other person and it is listening to understand.